Kevin Smith Sucks

It all started so innocently. Hardy Boy and I were at Barnes and Noble last month, and I picked up a copy of My Boring-Ass Life by Kevin Smith. Why? The back cover mentioned something about the filming of Zack and Miri Make a Porno (one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies) and I thought "Hey. Kevin Smith's kind of a hip and rad director with the kids. I'll give it a shot."
That's what I get for buying something because I think it will make me cool.
I wanted to like Kevin Smith. I really did. He's got some indie street cred, I think, and I assumed his life would at least be somewhat interesting. Unfortunately, My Boring-Ass Life is probably the most accurate book title in existence, because the only subject talked about is Kevin Smith's extremely boring day-to-day life. If you're interested in him answering a bunch of e-mails and a whole lot of information about his bathroom habits, then maybe you'd like it. As someone who's only seen Clerks and Dogma once each, and has a passing knowledge of Smith's existence, I found this book to be an excruciatingly slow read. Any interesting or noteworthy information is buried in between fifty pages of "Woke up, took a shit, checked e-mail, ate, watched movies, banged my wife, fell asleep to TiVo." There. I just saved you about $15 and hours of staring at the book waiting for the funny to emerge.
Plus, he's kind of a douchebag.
Because I'm too stubborn to actually stop reading the book, I now only read it over the phone to Hardy Boy at night a couple of times a week. Yes, I read to my 24 year old boyfriend to get him to fall asleep. Does this mean he probably has a mommy issue? Yeah, but it's cute and it gets me through this damn book because otherwise I'd put it off indefinitely.
Once I finally finish it, I'm probably going to try and give it away for free over Facebook. I don't even want to look at it sitting on my bookshelf anymore. I'll never read it again. I know what you're saying, "But Kelly, really. With a title like My Boring-Ass Life, what did you expect?" Next time, I'll try to pick a book that doesn't insult itself before it even begins.